28: The Hunger of Sejanoz
| Pending (Errata) |
| Pending (Not Errata) |
| Fixed | ||
| (er) | Many: | on to -> onto (FIXED: 3, 183 [load...onto]; 10 [back onto]; 18, 243 [scramble onto]; 58 [out onto]; 126 [casting them onto]; 132, 141 [tumbling...onto]; 166 [casts them onto]; 219 [crashes...onto]) |
| (er) | Title Page: | the Great Lissanian Plain -> the Great Lissan Plain [ik: as elsewhere in this book] |
| (er) | Title Page: | news of the invasion -> news of an invasion |
| (er) | Blurb, 86, 100, 101, 123, 140, 167, 171, 246, 286: | imperial vs. Imperial inconsistent usage [Sean Donald] [so: Imperial: The Story So Far, 1 [x5], 40, 50 [x2], 85, 100, 122 [x4], 143, 147, 187 [x4], 237 [x3], 280; imperial: Title, 4, 20, 74, 86, 100, 101 [x2], 123, 140, 167, 171, 246, 284, 286] [jb: The phrase "Imperial Palace" is capitalized in all but one case. The reverse is true of "imperial family" where the lowercase is used in all but one case.] [so: See <http://www.republic.org.uk/blog/?p=1848> Specifically, the sentence which reads: "It is entirely correct to say 'the Royal Family', just as it is correct to refer to 'the British Medical Association'." In view of this, I'd think the following terms should be changed to be capitalised: "Imperial Palace (Blurb); "Imperial Family" (86, 100, 101, 123, 140, 167, 171, 246, 286).] [jb: Yeah, I thought it was weird that "imperial family" wasn't in caps when "Imperial Caravan" was. I can go for that.] |
| (er) | The Story So Far [x2]: | elite -> élite [Sean Donald] |
| (er) | The Story So Far: | Free Alliance -> Freeland Alliance |
| (er) | The Story So Far: | monastery of the Kai -> Monastery of the Kai [Sean Donald] |
| (er) | The Story So Far: | southern Magnamund -> Southern Magnamund |
| (er) | The Story So Far: | despatched -> dispatched |
| (er) | The Story So Far: | autocracy of Bhanar -> Autocracy of Bhanar [Sean Donald] |
| (er) | The Story So Far: | southern Dammerdon mountains -> Southern Dammerdon Mountains |
| (er) | The Story So Far: | artifact -> artefact [Sean Donald] |
| (er) | The Story So Far: | feted -> fêted [Sean Donald] |
| (er) | The Story So Far: | prey to Ishir -> pray to Ishir [Sean Donald] |
| (er) | The Story So Far: | the First Order of the Kai were -> the First Order of the Kai was |
| (er) | The Game Rules: | that you will find at the front of this book. For ease of use and further adventuring, it is recommended that you photocopy these pages [remove] |
| (er) | The Game Rules: | on the last page of the book [remove] |
| (er) | The Game Rules [x2]: | ie -> i.e. [Sean Donald] |
| (er) | The Game Rules: | (Books 21-26) -> (Books 21-27) [Sean Donald] |
| (er) | The Game Rules: | normal weapons and -> normal weapons, and |
| (er) | Kai Name: | elite -> élite [Sean Donald] |
| (er) | Kai Name: | You can record your personal Kai name on the bookplate which appear on the inside cover of this book. [remove] |
| (er) | Disciplines: | symbols and -> symbols, and |
| (er) | Disciplines: | sixth sense -> Sixth Sense |
| (er) | Disciplines: | the honour and the future -> the honour, and the future |
| (er) | Disciplines: | their COMBAT SKILL is reduced -> their ENDURANCE is reduced [Sean Donald] |
| (er) | Disciplines: | known to effect -> known to affect [Sean Donald] |
| (er) | Disciplines: | 1 to 3 -> one to three |
| (er) | Disciplines: | Magi-Magic -> Magi-magic [sd: heading] |
| (er) | Disciplines: | Old Kingdom battle magic -> Old Kingdom battle-magic |
| (er) | Disciplines: | magi-magic spells -> Old Kingdom Spells |
| (er) | Disciplines: | guild of magicians -> Guild of Magicians |
| (er) | Disciplines: | Fire and Water -> Fire, and Water |
| (er) | Disciplines: | individual (or combinations of) elements that are available, -> individual elements that are available, or combinations thereof, |
| (er) | Disciplines: | remove or accelerate -> remove, or accelerate |
| (er) | Disciplines: | eg -> e.g. [Sean Donald] |
| (er) | Disciplines: | dialect and -> dialect, and |
| (er) | Disciplines: | Kai Weapon and any -> Kai Weapon, and any |
| (er) | Disciplines: | For every adventure that you complete successfully in the New Order series, you will gain proficiency with one additional weapon. -> For every adventure that you complete successfully in the New Order series while possessing the Discipline of Grand Weaponmastery, you will gain proficiency with one additional weapon. [IK][SO: This also affects Books 22-28.] |
| (er) | Grand Master Disciplines: | strength and capacity of these fortresses increases -> strength and capacity of these fortresses increase [LM] [jb: Agreed] |
| (er) | Grand Master Disciplines: | Duration of the spirit-walk, and the protection afforded to his in animate body, increases -> Duration of the spirit-walk and the protection afforded to his inanimate body increase [LM] [jb: Agreed] |
| (er) | Grand Master Disciplines: | number and accuracy of these predictions increases -> number and accuracy of these predictions increase [LM] [jb: Agreed] |
| (er) | Equipment: | (see the inside front cover of this book) [remove] |
| (er) | Equipment: | arrow(s) -> Arrow(s) [x8] |
| (er) | Equipment: | Khea-Khan -> Khea-khan [Sean Donald] |
| (er) | Kai Weapon: | new-found -> newfound |
| (er) | Kai Weapon: | elite -> élite [Sean Donald] |
| (er) | Kai Weapon: | at the front of the book [remove] |
| (er) | Equipment [x8]: | bow -> Bow |
| (er) | Equipment: | quiver -> Quiver |
| (er) | Equipment: | eg -> e.g. [Sean Donald] |
| (er) | Equipment: | How to use - Gold Crowns [Add a section for this. The currency of Chai is the Ren. 10 Ren = 1GC.] |
| (er) | Equipment: | a sword or an axe -> a Sword or an Axe [LM / jb] |
| (er) | Equipment: | (how to use) and a correct weapon -> and a correct Weapon |
| (er) | Equipment [x3]: | (bows) weapon -> Weapon |
| (er) | Rules For Combat: | ENDURANCE points fall to zero -> ENDURANCE points fall to zero or below |
| (er) | Rules for Combat: | This process of combat continues until the ENDURANCE points of either the enemy or Lone Wolf are reduced to zero, at which point the one with the zero score is declared dead. If Lone Wolf is dead, the adventure is over. If the enemy is dead, Lone Wolf proceeds but with his ENDURANCE points reduced. -> This process of combat continues until the ENDURANCE points of either the enemy or Lone Wolf are reduced to zero or below, at which point that combatant is declared dead. If Lone Wolf is dead, the adventure is over. If the enemy is dead, Lone Wolf proceeds but with his ENDURANCE points possibly reduced. |
| (er) | Rules for Combat: | on the inside back cover of this book [remove] |
| (er) | Rules for Combat: | A summary of Combat Rules appears on the page after the Random Number Table. [remove] |
| (er) | Rules for Combat: | Only you may [you: bold; under Evasion of combat] [original is in bold italics] |
| (er) | Levels: | (You begin the New Order adventures at this level of Grand Mastery) -> - You begin the New Order adventures at this level of Grand Mastery [also: itals (ne)] |
| (er) | Improved Disciplines: | ie -> i.e. [Sean Donald] |
| (er) | Improved Disciplines: | vice versa -> vice-versa |
| (er) | Improved Disciplines: | Brotherhood spells -> Brotherhood Spells |
| (er) | Improved Disciplines: | 'Improved Grand Master Disciplines' [remove quote marks] |
| (er) | Improved Disciplines: | 1 metre -> three feet [PH: consistency with the GM books] |
| (er) | Improved Disciplines: | affected, and the duration of the effect, increases steadily as a Sun Thane advances in Kai rank. -> affected and the duration of the effect increase steadily as a Sun Thane advances in Kai rank. [so: affected--and the duration of the effect--increases] |
| (er) | Improved Disciplines: | The volume of water affected, and the duration of effect, -> The volume of water affected and the duration of effect |
| (er) | New Order Wisdom: | gods -> Gods |
| (er) | New Order Wisdom: | he is revered almost like a God by his loyal subjects |
| (er) | 1, 50: | elite -> élite [Sean Donald] |
| (er) | 1, 135: | Kai weapon -> Kai Weapon |
| (er) | 3 (Ill I Caption): | emerge -> emerges |
| (er) | 5: | date and -> date, and |
| (er) | 6, 24, 37, 140, 167, 184, 197, 278: | steam cannon -> steam-cannon |
| (er) | 6, 65, 73, 174, 261, 276: | bow -> Bow |
| (er) | 7: | everyone except the sentries are asleep -> everyone is asleep except the sentries |
| (er) | 7: | to rest, and unless -> to rest, unless |
| (er) | 8: | belt pouch -> Belt Pouch |
| (er) | 8: | Gold Coins -> Gold Crowns [jb: Here's my suggestion: "As you are cleaning your clothes, you notice to your dismay that the caustic fluid has eaten a hole in your Belt Pouch and you have lost half of your coins. You must reduce your current total of coins by half. Remember to make the necessary adjustment in the Belt Pouch section of your Action Chart before continuing."] [bk: I agree] [Sean Donald: I do not know what Ren look like. If Ren are indeed are gold coins (i.e. anatomically similar to Gold Crowns), you therefore stand to lose Ren as well as Gold Crowns as a result of the worm’s attack. If Ren are not made of gold, then according to a strict interpretation of the text, you stand to only lose your Gold Crowns.] [jd: I agree - the note seems to refer to the hole made in the pouch, not to the dissolving of the coins themselves.] |
| (er) | 9, 11, 97, 146, 280, 295: | agarashi -> Agarashi |
| (er) | 9, 97, 280, 295: | burrows and -> burrows, and |
| (er) | 9, 97, 295: | fresh water -> freshwater |
| (er) | 9, 97, 280, 295: | Hyunsei Foothills -> Hyunsei foothills [or, foothills of the Hyunsei Mountains] [jb: Agreed. This is the only place in the books that "foothills" would be capitalized. Also, the map in Vampirium shows that these are the foothills are part of the Hyunsei Mountains which I guess is kind of obvious, but it confirms that the foothills aren't somehow a separate place with its own name.] |
| (er) | 11: | to Khea-khan's -> to the Khea-khan's [The Khea-khan's name is Xo-lin] |
| (er) | 11, 49, 118, 151, 252: | western rim -> southern/eastern rim [lm: I wonder if you can really still be close to the western rim after half a day of travel. Judging from the way the road bends towards the south on the map, 'southern rim' may be the intended meaning] [so: Sections 2 and 130 seem to indicate a speedy exit from the vale, so this change seems correct. Changed to "eastern"] |
| (er) | 11, 118, 252: | Some descend -> Some (of the) fissures descend [lm: cf.ref.49, 151] |
| (er) | 12, 128, 139: | Special Items list -> list of Special Items |
| (er) | 14, 27, 37, 42, 107, 109, 111, 127, 129, 145, 155, 247, 255, 257, 270, 296: | sixth sense -> Sixth Sense |
| (er) | 14, 220: | each of the people -> each of the persons |
| (er) | 16: | They lead -> It leads [resp. the robbers' trail] |
| (er) | 16: | Weaponmastery and -> Weaponmastery, and |
| (er) | 17, 262: | Healing -> Curing |
| (er) | 18: | one of the two remaining monsters -> one of the monsters [lm: There are still three of them on this path] [jb: Agreed.] |
| (er) | 19, 43, 255, 282: | densely packed -> densely-packed [Sean Donald] |
| (er) | 22, 33, 56, 80, 115, 141, 152, 156, 165, 179, 185, 193, 203, 214, 220, 233, 245, 299: | Brotherhood spell -> Brotherhood Spell |
| (er) | 22: | Halt Missile [lm: The spell described in this section is Invisible Shield] [jb: If we switch this to Invisible Shield, then we should also be able to do the following: (er) 92: Kai-alchemy and have attained the rank of Sun Knight, -> Kai-alchemy, The other alternative for 22 is to change the description of what happens to match the description of Halt Missile which "causes any projected or hurled missile ... to cease its flight and remain stationary in mid-air."] [so: The changes to 22 and 92 change the least and are therefore the most desirable. I vote for those.] |
| (er) | 24: | enemy have -> enemy has [tp: <collective> = singular (e.g. "a horde comes"), in most cases.] |
| (er) | 26, 73, 77, 174, 186, 261, 276: | arrow(s) -> Arrow(s) |
| (er) | 32: | Graveweed -> graveweed [Sean Donald] |
| (er) | 34, 190: | special item -> Special Item [Sean Donald] |
| (er) | 36: | Grand Guardian -> Kai Grand Guardian |
| (er) | 36: | Kai-alchemy, or -> Kai-alchemy, or if you have yet to attain the required level of Kai Mastery, or |
| (er) | 36, 194: | yansi [foreign] |
| (er) | 39, 52, 81 [x2], 103, 110, 150 [x2], 160 [x2], 195, 214, 236 [x2], 249, 266 [x2], 276: | flagtower -> flag-tower [SO: Yes; see PAMoS re: bell-tower] |
| (er) | 40: | Okami's -> Omaki's |
| (er) | 40: | wooden two-storey -> two-storey wooden [jb: Looking into this, I found the following page which makes some interesting points about adjective use in idiomatic English: <http://learnenglish.britishcouncil.org/en/english-grammar/adjectives/order-adjectives> According to this, "two-storey wooden" is more typical, although the original reads OK to me. Anyone particularly bothered by this?] [so: Well, I'll admit that I think this alteration improves (and corrects) the sentence. But then, I was the one who reported this in the first place!] [jb: I'm fine changing it in this instance if it seems incorrect to you (and because an argument can be made that it is incorrect).] |
| (er) | 41, 52, 175, 212: | Old Kingdom power word Gloar! -> Old Kingdom word of power Gloar! [also: Gloar! - spell (ne) [Sean Donald: power word -> power-word?] |
| (er) | 42: | grammes -> grams |
| (er) | 44, 288: | Bow and -> Bow, and |
| (er) | 45, 66: | carriage, then you -> carriage, and then you [Sean Donald] [SO: Or, carriage; then] |
| (er) | 46: | the Kai Herbcrafts -> Kai herbcraft [Sean Donald] [ik: maybe] [so: Or, the Kai Herbcrafts -> Herbmastery / Kai Herbmastery] [jb: I'd prefer to preserve the original words here by just uncapitalizing "Herbcrafts". It might read better as "Kai herbcraft", but I'm not sure it's enough better to justify changing the original. The original isn't exactly wrong.] [so: Well, this is the only place in all the books that "Herbcraft" is capitalised. De-capitalising it therefore seems the correct thing to do (cf. Books 10, 13, and 26).] [jb: Looking at those other examples, it looks like "the Kai Herbcrafts" -> "Kai herbcraft" would be more in line with how the word is used elsewhere.] |
| (er) | 47: | replies, 'But -> replies. 'But |
| (er) | 49: | turn to 30 -> turn to 30. [Sean Donald] |
| (er) | 52, 214: | platform, then -> platform. Then [Sean Donald: Or, platform, and then] [SO: platform; then] |
| (er) | 55, 201: | agonising -> agonizing |
| (er) | 57, 103, 129, 140 [x2], 157, 160, 206, 222, 270 [x2], 278, 278 (Illustration Caption): | metres -> yards |
| (er) | 57: | large projectile, then -> large projectile, and then [Sean Donald] [SO: projectile; then] |
| (er) | 58: | highly trained -> highly-trained |
| (er) | 58: | in astrology -> in astrology. [Sean Donald] |
| (er) | 63, 77, 143, 179, 292: | battle cry -> battle-cry |
| (er) | 65, 73: | add 3 -> remember to add 3 |
| (er) | 65, 120, 297: | backpack -> Backpack |
| (er) | 72: | - Invisible Fist - -> Invisible Fist [also: spell (ne)] |
| (er) | 72, 82, 106, 115, 174, 224, 237: | add +1 to your COMBAT SKILL -> add 1 point to your COMBAT SKILL [Sean Donald] |
| (er) | 76, 185, 218 [x2]: | ie -> i.e. [Sean Donald] |
| (er) | 77, 132, 142, 186, 215: | Old Kingdom spell -> Old Kingdom Spell |
| (er) | 79: | mouldering stone, then you -> mouldering stone, and then you [Sean Donald] [SO: Or, stone; then] |
| (er) | 79, 162, 238: | arrow -> Arrow of Atonement |
| (er) | 80: | effect, then -> effect; then |
| (er) | 80: | - Mind Charm - -> Mind Charm [also: spell (ne)] |
| (er) | 81: | he wishes the four of you good luck. -> he wishes the five of you good luck. [sd: Justification: I have changed this since Sergeant Yeng and THREE others step forward to join you. That means that the party consists of yourself, Yeng, and the three troopers, thus bringing the head count to five. The combats in sections 63, 77, 143 and 179 all describe having “three Chai troopers” fighting by your side, so I can safely assume there really are three (and not just two) troopers accompanying yourself and Yeng.] |
| (er) | 81: | bodyguards and -> bodyguards, and |
| (er) | 82 (Ill VI Caption): | asault -> assault |
| (er) | 85 [x2], 104 [x2], 126, 190 [x2], : | the die -> the dice |
| (er) | 86: | the imperial family have -> the imperial family has [tp: Any collective that does some plural action ("the horde raise their weapons") = plural.] [bk: Taking refuge isn't particularly a plural action. I think this is an Accept.] |
| (er) | 86, 279: | icy cold -> ice-cold [Sean Donald] [so: In this context ("...runs ice cold through your veins..."), "ice-cold" appears in 12:150 and 19:120; "ice cold" appears in 14:54; 18:7, 19:190, and 20:276. I think the unhyphenated form is correct here (see "Compound Modifiers" in <http://www.projectaon.org/en/Sanctum/ManualOfStyle>). So, I think the change should be to "ice cold" instead of "ice-cold" and change 12:150 and 19:120 to the unhyphenated form.] [JDu: Agreed it should be "ice cold" (no hyphen).] [bk: Yeah, there's nothing else "ice" could modify, so I don't see what the hyphen would accomplish.] |
| (er) | 87: | A healing fungi. -> A healing fungus. [Sean Donald] |
| (er) | 88: | Occurrences of mid-summer -> midsummer [Sean Donald] |
| (er) | 90, 120, 297: | Shavane, 'he'll -> Shavane. 'He'll |
| (er) | 92: | Kai rank -> rank |
| (er) | 94, 290: | gases and -> gases, and |
| (er) | 95, 275: | ribcage -> rib cage [Sean Donald] |
| (er) | 95: | Crack!; the -> Crack! The [also: onomatopoeia (ne)] |
| (er) | 96: | throght -> throughout [sd: cf. Section 119] |
| (er) | 96, 119: | throughout the distant corridor -> throughout the distant corridors [lm: cf.refs.41&203] |
| (er) | 96, 119: | the distant corridor -> the distant corridors [jb: This seems to have already been corrected (?) and I agree with this change.] [so: cf. Parallel sections 41, 203: "distant corridors"] |
| (er) | 97: | him, then -> him, and then |
| (er) | 99, 181: | icy-fiends -> ice-fiends [ik: compare to ice-beasts and ice-creatures] [Sean Donald] |
| (er) | 101: | interpretation of the signs indicate -> interpretations of the signs indicate [sd: Or, interpretation of the signs indicates] [SO: The second option sounds better] |
| (er) | 101: | advise that -> advise her that |
| (er) | 102: | [lm: Do you discard the Sabito root at this point?] [so: Yes; added "(Remember to erase the Sabito Root from your Action Chart.)" to the end of the section.] |
| (er) | 103: | If you possess Magi-magic, have reached the rank of Kai Grand Guardian, and wish to use this Discipline, turn to 77. -> If you possess Magi-magic, have reached the rank of Kai Grand Guardian, possess an Arrow, and wish to use this Discipline, turn to 77. [so: Prefer: "If you possess Magi-magic, a Bow and at least one Arrow, have reached the rank of Kai Grand Guardian, and wish to use this Discipline, turn to 77."] |
| (er) | 103, 147: | skills, or -> skills, or if you have yet to attain the required level of Kai Mastery, or |
| (er) | 105, 121, 157, 255, 292: | treeline -> tree-line |
| (er) | 107, 246: | Kai pathsmanship -> Magnakai Pathsmanship |
| (er) | 110: | A large force of Bhanarian cavalry have breached -> A large force of Bhanarian cavalry has breached [sd: Justification: The sentence implies there was only one force of Bhanarian cavalry--albeit a large one--that breached the wall, so I have gone with “has”] |
| (er) | 115: | - Net - -> Net [also: spell (ne)] |
| (er) | 115: | A gout...gush...engulf -> A gout...gushes...engulfs |
| (er) | 116: | says: 'please -> says: 'Please |
| (er) | 116: | Turn to 108 -> Turn to 108. [Sean Donald] |
| (er) | 116: | [lm: orphaned section] [so: 116 is identical to 263. For the sake of reinstalling Section 116 to the game, let's change 167 to point to 116 instead of 263.] |
| (er) | 117, 256: | tiger's head emblem -> tiger's-head emblem [so: cf. 02smr "globe-of-the-world emblem" (16, 241), but also "ace of spades emblem" (30, 82, 210); 06tkot "toa tree emblem" (137); 23mh "tiger's head emblem" (84), "eagle's head emblem" (159), but also "eagle's-head emblem" (167, 256); 24rw "circle-and-star" emblem (102); 25totw "blazing sun emblem" (109, 122); 28thos "tiger's-head emblem" (84), but also "tiger's head emblem" (117, 256).] [JDu: Hmm - I personally prefer the non-hyphenated version (I don't think I would have thought to hyphenate something like this if I were writing.) I guess it comes down to clarity - but I think I would probably use quotes rather than a hyphen if there was an issue with clarity (ducks for cover!).] [bk: Agree. I guess hyphenate all of them, then.] |
| (er) | 120, 196: | Klorva -> Potion of Klorva |
| (er) | 122: | proud sable stallion -> proud stable stallion [Sean Donald] |
| (er) | 122, 187: | 20 Imperial Cavalry -> twenty Imperial Cavalry [Sean Donald] |
| (er) | 122, 187, 235: | Kirusami -> kirusami [also: foreign (er)] [jb: Agreed.] |
| (er) | 124: | Arrows at 1 Gold Crown for two (= 20 Ren) -> Arrows at 1 Gold Crown for two (= 5 Ren each) |
| (er) | 124: | Arrows at 1 Gold Crown for two (= 20 Ren) -> Arrows at 1 Gold Crown for two [Justification: “Arrows at 1 Gold Crown for two” implies that a single arrow costs 0.5 Gold Crowns. This in turn leads to two arrows costing 10 Ren. Since the exchange rate has already been revealed to the reader, this information is now superfluous (I am pretty sure that if LW desired an odd quantity of arrows, he cannot cleave Gold Crowns in half and offer bisected coins in lieu of 5 Ren).] [Sean Donald] [jb: I like how we have currently corrected this passage by changing "(= 20 Ren)" to "(= 5 Ren each)". I think repeating the exchange rate helps the reader without being too obtrusive.] |
| (er) | 126: | pass then -> pass them [Sean Donald] |
| (er) | 129: | further signal, then together -> further signal, and then together [Sean Donald] [SO: Or, signal; then] |
| (er) | 133: | Go Captain -> Go, Captain |
| (er) | 135, 272: | gutteral -> guttural [Sean Donald] |
| (er) | 137, 173: | Mitzu, 'please -> Mitzu. 'Please |
| (er) | 137, 173: | If you wish to attempt to stop him with your Bow [jc: What if you do not possess a Bow?] [jb: Well, the obvious answer is that you have to chase the Autarch. My question is whether we should reword this to make it seem not to assume you have a bow. What if we change it like this? Original: If you wish to attempt to stop him with your Bow, turn to 65. Suggestion: If you wish to attempt to stop him with a Bow, turn to 65.] |
| (er) | 140: | the imperial family of Chai are -> the imperial family of Chai is [tp: Any collective that does some plural action ("the horde raise their weapons") = plural.] [bk: Again, hiding isn't particularly a plural action. Accept.] |
| (er) | 144: | improved weapon skill -> Weaponmastery [or, "improved [W|w]eaponskill"] [jb: I agree if only because "weapon skill" can be confused with "Weaponskill".] |
| (er) | 145: | 15 minutes -> fifteen minutes |
| (er) | 147: | Superior, -> Superior or higher, |
| (er) | 148: | its cawing and the flapping of its wings startles -> its cawing and the flapping of its wings startle |
| (er) | 148: | Javain Bandit [jc: Javai Bandit, or Javaian Bandit] [jb: I agree that "Javain" doesn't seem quite right. I kind of like the sound of "Javainese". We have used Chai/Chaian elsewhere in this and the preceding book although the author never did. Maybe we should go with "Javaian" to be consistent with that.] |
| (er) | 149: | hard pressed -> hard-pressed |
| (er) | 149: | manouvering -> manoeuvring [Sean Donald] |
| (er) | 155: | High above you glimpse -> High above, you glimpse |
| (er) | 159: | Mastery -> mastery |
| (er) | 159: | an hypnotic trance -> a hypnotic trance [Sean Donald] |
| (er) | 161, 298: | sunbreak -> daybreak |
| (er) | 163: | duststorm -> dust-storm dust storm (instead of dust-storm) [ik: as in 01gstw, 14tcok, 25totw] |
| (er) | 163, 217: | out of -> out from |
| (er) | 164: | icy-fiend -> ice-fiend [ik: compare to ice-beasts and ice-creatures] [Sean Donald] |
| (er) | 164: | the chest -> their chests |
| (er) | 165: | spell words -> spell-words |
| (er) | 165: | new-found -> newfound |
| (er) | 168: | skills or rank, or -> skills, or have yet to attain the required level of Kai Mastery, nor |
| (er) | 170: | If your total score is now 6 or lower, turn to 285. If it is 7 or higher, turn to 55. -> If your total score is now 6 or lower, turn to 55. If it is 7 or higher, turn to 285. |
| (er) | 172, 225: | weapon -> Kai Weapon [jb: Agreed, just so it's absolutely clear that you're not dropping a regular weapon.] |
| (er) | 172, 225: | [lm: Ought there to be a footnote here clarifying that you may not use your Kai Weapon in this combat. 'Dropping' the weapon might be interpreted as dropping it by your side or within reaching distance, or also to clarify whether or not you may draw another Weapon in the seconds that it takes the robber to reach you.] [Add: "You must fight this battle unarmed (i.e. with no CS bonuses from your Kai Weapon)."] [jc: You cannot use your Kai Weapon in this combat (see section 139).] [jb: My suggestion: "You must fight this combat without your Kai Weapon. (cf. Section 139)"] |
| (er) | 174: | rib-cage -> rib cage [Sean Donald] |
| (er) | 174: | combat skill -> COMBAT SKILL |
| (er) | 187: | Ang'sei [foreign] |
| (er) | 187, 237 (x2): | Ang'sei -> ang'sei [so: Fixed 187, 237 (first instance). The second instance refers to a Special Item that can be taken.] |
| (er) | 187: | Papers of State -> papers of state [so: This is probably correct, since it is referring to specific legal documents.] [jb: I can see a problem where this may confuse a player into thinking this is an item that can be picked up. I don't think we lose much by making this change although I'm not sure how much we gain either. It wouldn't be a huge problem if players carry around "Papers of State" in their Backpack. I lean toward making this change.] |
| (er) | 189: | therain-bow -> the rainbow [Sean Donald] |
| (er) | 189: | milleniums -> millennia [sd: OR millenniums, but I think the former just sounds tidier] millennia (instead of millenniums) [ik: as in the other books] |
| (er) | 189: | vampire Lord Sejanoz -> vampire lord Sejanoz [or, Vampire Lord Sejanoz] [jb: or "vampire, Lord Sejanoz"?] |
| (er) | 192: | apporpriate -> appropriate [Sean Donald] |
| (er) | 192: | 10 Gold crowns -> 10 Gold Crowns [Sean Donald] |
| (er) | 195: | Turn to 284 -> Turn to 284. [Sean Donald] |
| (er) | 197: | thunderous crescendo, then -> thunderous crescendo, and then [Sean Donald] [SO: Or, crescendo; then] |
| (er) | 198: | The scouting party have -> The scouting party has [tp: Any collective that does some plural action ("the horde raise their weapons") = plural.] [bk: Likewise, capturing isn't a plural action. Accept.] |
| (er) | 200: | [jc: If you possess the Kai Weapon 'Valiance', you will benefit from its unique properties, as Brumalghasts are magical creatures (as is stated in section 235).] [jb: Players must pass through 235 to get to 200, so is it necessary to prompt them here, or should we require readers to realize when their Kai Weapon gets the extra bonus? I'm thinking of the other cases in the books where this would be applicable.] |
| (er) | 201: | you Kai healing skills -> your Kai healing skills [Sean Donald] |
| (er) | 204: | freshly brewed -> freshly-brewed |
| (er) | 204: | reach Javai Forest -> reach the Javai Forest [Sean Donald] |
| (er) | 204: | His gang have -> His gang has |
| (er) | 205: | closely packed -> closely-packed |
| (er) | 206: | projectile, then a deafening -> projectile, and then a deafening [Sean Donald] [SO: Or, projectile; then] |
| (er) | 207, 292, 300: | southern Magnamund -> Southern Magnamund |
| (er) | 207: | discover 20 -> discover twenty [Sean Donald] |
| (er) | 208: | Hermastery -> Herbmastery [Sean Donald] |
| (er) | 213, 233, 237: | Kirusami [foreign] |
| (er) | 213: | removed minus sign from “damage you have suffered to –1 ENDURANCE point).” [sd: Justification: this minus sign is both superfluous and misleading. One train of thought: since the ENDURANCE modification is being treated as damage, this intuitively corresponds to a deduction from the total. However, the subtraction of negative values mathematically produces a positive.] |
| (er) | 213: | point). -> point.) |
| (er) | 215: | swift reflex saves -> swift reflexes save |
| (er) | 215: | Invisible Shield -> Shield [jb: Shield is the Old Kingdom version of Invisible Shield.] |
| (er) | 218: | 0, 2, 4, 6, or 8 -> 2, 4, 6, 8, or 0 |
| (er) | 218: | wounds -> wounding |
| (er) | 222: | Between these -> From between their |
| (er) | 229: | dwarves and -> dwarves, and |
| (er) | 235: | exhale plumes of icy breath that freezes everything it touches -> exhale plumes of icy breath that freezes everything they touch [SD: Justification: there is more than one “plume of icy breath”, hence the inclusion of the word “they”. I have decided to keep “freezes” as this implies that the breath instigates the freezing process, as opposed to “freeze”, which implies the freezing occurs instantaneously.] [tp: I disagree with this interpretation of "freeze" vs. "freezes"; to me, they connote exactly the same thing, and the only question is whether it is "breath freezes" (singular) or "plumes freeze" (plural). I say plural, primarily because it reads better to me, and also because there is not a single, specific thing being frozen. That is, I support: "...they exhale plumes of icy breath that freeze everything they touch." (But I do acknowledge the flaw in this: "they" is used for both the creatures and their breath-plumes, so it might read as if things the creatures touch get frozen!) ] [bk: How about "exhale plumes of icy breath that freeze everything they touch"?] |
| (er) | 236: | bold plans meets with Chan’s approval -> bold plan meets with Chan’s approval [sd: Or “bold plans meet with Chan’s approval”. However, since LW’s plans have only one aim/outcome, this should become the singular “plan”. So, I opt for the former.] |
| (er) | 237: | Ang'sei [foreign] [x1] |
| (er) | 237 (Ill XVI Caption): | naginata [foreign] |
| (er) | 240: | candle-lit -> candlelit [ik: as in 02tfc and 04tcod; cf. also torchlit] |
| (er) | 240: | cuthroats -> cut-throats [Sean Donald] |
| (er) | 241: | of though -> of, though |
| (er) | 248: | If you have reached the rank of Kai Grand Defender, turn to 126. -> If you have reached the rank of Kai Grand Defender, and possess the Xi-die, turn to 126. |
| (er) | 249: | As soon you hear -> As soon as you hear [Sean Donald] |
| (er) | 249: | fierce sounds of the fighting attracts -> fierce sounds of the fighting attract |
| (er) | 249: | sounds of the fighting attracts the attention of the signalman -> sounds of the fighting attract the attention of the signalman [Sean Donald] [lm: OR sound of the fighting attracts] [tp: Agreed, a change is needed; I support "sounds... attract".] [bk: Looks like the SD version has already been accepted and implemented (which I agree with).] |
| (er) | 265: | which you store in your backpack [sd: remove] [jc: Special Items cannot be carried in the backpack. We should either make it a Backpack Item, or erase "which you store in your backpack"] |
| (er) | 267: | gift of it to you, my Lord -> gift of it to you, my lord [Sean Donald] |
| (er) | 267: | tyrant Lord of Bhanar -> tyrant lord of Bhanar [Sean Donald] [SO: Or, Tyrant-Lord of Bhanar] [jb: The XML already has "tyrant lord" without an errata entry. Nowhere else in the books do we find "tyrant of Bhanar" or "Lord of Bhanar", so they don't seem like titles that need to be capitalized. I lean toward "tyrant lord of Bhanar".] |
| (er) | 270: | well-founded -> well founded |
| (er) | 271: | life and your mission ends here -> life and your mission end here [Sean Donald] |
| (er) | 275: | Table and add 2 (0 = 10). If you possess Deliverance, you may deduct 2 from your total. -> Table (0 = 10) and add 2 if you do not possess Deliverance. [jb: That is quite a bit less confusing. I'm OK making this change.] |
| (er) | 277: | Kronar hesitates, then he -> Kronar hesitates, and then he [Sean Donald] |
| (er) | 277: | counter threat -> counter-threat [Sean Donald] |
| (er) | 277: | If your total score is now 5 or lower, turn to 29. If it is 6 or higher, turn to 201. -> If your total score is now 5 or lower, turn to 201. If it is 6 or higher, turn to 29. |
| (er) | 278: | To your surprise you see that -> To your surprise, you see that [Sean Donald] |
| (er) | 279: | touch. 'What [New pargarph at this point.] |
| (er) | 279: | Chan. 'You [New pargarph at this point.] |
| (er) | 280 [x2]: | Kau Doshin -> Kau-Doshin [Sean Donald] |
| (er) | 284: | Chan. Kasarian [New pargarph at this point.] |
| (er) | 278 (Ill XIX Caption): | steam cannon -> steam-cannon |
| (er) | 278 (Ill XIX Caption): | 50 metres -> fifty metres |
| (er) | 280: | forests and -> forests, and |
| (er) | 284: | enemy cavalry, then you -> enemy cavalry, and then you [Sean Donald] |
| (er) | 290: | gases and -> gases, and |
| (er) | 292: | Between their -> From between their |
| (er) | 293: | picks and -> picks, and |
| (er) | 296: | innocence.//'What [Paragraph break here] |
| (er) | 296: | ask.//Chan [Paragraph break here] |
| (er) | 296: | cot. 'He [New paragarph at this point] |
| (er) | 300: | gods -> Gods |
| (er) | 300: | remants -> remnants [Sean Donald] |
| (er) | Map: | We are presenting for the first time the proper map that was not included in the original published book. |
| (er) | Combat Rules Summary: | This is when ENDURANCE points of either character fall to 0. -> This is when ENDURANCE points of either character falls to 0 or below. |
| (er) | Combat Rules Summary: | Kai Disciplines -> Grand Master Disciplines |
| (er) | Combat Rules Summary: | Pick number from Random-> Pick a number from the Random |
| (er) | Combat Rules Summary: | Turn to Combat -> Turn to the Combat |
| (er) | Combat Rules Summary: | to random number -> to the random number |
| (er) | Combat Rules Summary: | when ENDURANCE -> when the ENDURANCE |
| (er) | Combat Rules Summary: | ignored, -> ignored; |
| [++Fixed (Not Errata) | ||
| (ne) | The Story So Far: | ‘Aye,’ replied Rimoah, ‘but we must depart this afternoon if we are to be certain of reaching the pass before the arrival of the Autarch's squad.’ -> [lm: The second instance of this paragraph is superfluous] |
| (ne) | The Story So Far: | solemnly. ‘I -> solemnly, ‘I [lm: not necessarily wrong the way it is, but i thought it might be worth checking to see if it's ne] |
| (ft) | The Story So Far: | King's army of Sommerlund¹. / ¹Lone Wolf 18: Dawn of the Dragons [This footnote appears in the published text.] |
| (ne) | The Story So Far [x5]: | Cloud-dancer [sd: itals] |
| (ne) | Disciplines: | mastered four of [four: itals] |
| (ne) | Disciplines: | one of the weapons [one: itals] |
| (ne) | Disciplines: | EQUIPMENT [link] |
| (ne) | Disciplines: | Shield / Power Word / Invisible Fist / Lightning Hand / Levitation / Mind Charm [spell] |
| (ne) | Equipment: | map [link] |
| (ne) | Equipment: | Weapons List [link] |
| (ne) | Equipment: | carry is two [two: itals] |
| (ft) | Equipment, 6: | [jc: What if you do not possess a Bow? Can you throw the Arrow of Atonement at the Autarch?] [Is it possible to kill Sejanoz with the Arrow of Atonement without possessing a Bow? This seems to be the only Section where this affects the actual game-flow of the book. See < [jb: Here's the footnotes that I added to the XML source file: Equipment: During the adventure, the story will assume that you possess a Bow when you may not. If it is important to you to avoid this story continuity problem, you should ensure that you obtain a Bow. Section 6: If you do not possess a Bow, it seems unlikely that you will be able to make effective use of the Arrow of Atonement against the Autarch. You may decide that you have had a chance after acquiring the Arrow of Atonement to also find a Bow (mark the Bow on your Action Chart, discarding another Weapon if necessary), that you are still able to use the Arrow of Atonement without a Bow, or that not having a Bow leads to a failure to accomplish your mission. Use your best judgement.] |
| (ne) | Improved Disciplines [x2]: | Mindfort [spell] |
| (ne) | Improved Disciplines: | Slow Fall / Breathe Water [spell] |
| (ne) | 11: | content distraction -> constant distraction |
| (ne) | 19: | out-distance -> outdistance [Sean Donald] [SO: Occurs at a line-break] |
| (ne) | 22: | Halt Missile [spell] |
| (ne) | 33, 141, 156, 179, 193, 203, 214, 299: | Lightning Hand [spell] |
| (ne) | 36: | If you do not possess Kai-alchemy, have yet to attain the required level of Kai Mastery, or choose not to use it, turn instead to 76. -> If you do not possess Kai-alchemy, or choose not to use it, turn instead to 76. [lm: You must have the required rank, because it is 'any rank'][Sean Donald][so: Reversed previous changes] |
| (ne) | 48: | highs -> thighs |
| (ne) | 52: | concessive -> concussive |
| (ne) | 54: | Bhanarian Assault Troops: COMBAT SKILL 7 ENDURANCE 42 [lm: Is this a typo, or are the guards truly so weak?] [Sean Donald] [so: They just got much tougher--should be 47!] |
| (ne) | 56: | Breathe Water [spell] |
| (ne) | 71, 136, 254: | (with Kai Weapon) [itals] |
| (ft) | 71, 136, 254: | [lm: Ought the tomb robbers to get the illuminatus bonus?] [jb: They are listed as "Tomb Robbers (with Kai Weapon)" so we have to assume that the bonus, if it's appropriate, has already been applied to their statistics. I understand that in the case of the Illuminatus, the bonus would theoretically be slightly higher (+2 CS) because you are underground. Do we want to footnote this? *ducks*] [so: Actually, I think this is ripe for footnoting: "If your Kai Weapon is Illuminatus, you may decide that you should add an extra 2 points to the Tomb Robbers' COMBAT SKILL as it is being used underground."] |
| (ne) | 76: | (magically sealed) [itals] |
| (ne) | 77: | Flameshaft [spell] |
| (ne) | 92, 116 [x2], 125, 182, 241, 263, 277, 280: | [Ellipsis] |
| (ne) | 132: | Invisible Fist [spell] |
| (ne) | 142: | Shield [spell] |
| (ne) | 151: | spectacularly orange region -> spectacularly strange region [lm: cf.ref.11&c.] |
| (ne) | 152, 245: | Mind Charm [spell] |
| (ne) | 165, 233: | Strength [spell] |
| (ne) | 178: | under is weight -> under its weight |
| (ne) | 181: | If possess Assimilance -> If you possess Assimilance |
| (ne) | 185: | Counterspell [spell] |
| (ne) | 186: | Penetrate [spell] |
| (ne) | 194: | yansi [foreign] [x1 only] |
| (ne) | 202: | You can see any sense that -> You can see and sense that [lm: best guess] |
| (ne) | 215: | Invisible Shield [spell] |
| (ne) | 220: | Sense Evil [spell] |
| (ne) | 237: | Ang'sei [foreign] [x1] |
| (ne) | 237: | Weapons list [link] |
| (ne) | 259: | south-east -> southeast [linebreak] |
| (ne) | 265 [x2]: | The Tome of Tzu [itals] |
| (ne) | 276: | he raises his spear and attempt -> he raises his spear and attempts |
| (ne) | 290: | If you wish to search this workshop, turn 87. -> If you wish to search this workshop, turn to 87. [lm: Also, this choice ought to be indented] |
| (ne) | Errata: | when ENDURANCE’ with ‘when the ENDURANCE’. -> ('endurance' ought to be in small caps.) |
| (ne) | Table of Illustrations: | Illustration V (Section 74) [lm: No illustration appears in this section.][Sean Donald][so: Should be 78.] |
| (ne) | Errata: | axe"Alema -> axe "Alema |
| Large Illustrations | ||
| Ensure the dimensions in the xml match the dimensions of the image. | ||
| I | 3 | The gang of robbers emerge from the dark crypt. |
| II | 18 | The evil creature lunges towards you with its teeth bared. |
| III | 40 | Javai's mayoress greets Captain Chan in the flagstoned courtyard. |
| IV | 54 | You are confronted by five Bhanaraian soldiers armed with razor-tipped polearms. |
| V | 78 | In the Princess's carriage you see a tearful Mitzu cradling the sickly Prince Kamada in her arms. |
| VI | 82 | Chan's troopers make a brave asault on the attacking Krakalla. |
| VII | 100 | The Autarch demands your surrender. |
| VIII | 122 | The Imperial Caravan leaves the palace courtyard. |
| IX | 129 | Three riders approach on sturdy black ponies. |
| X | 148 | A Javain bandit swipes at you with his double-edged axe. |
| XI | 168 | The ceiling trap, stained with the blood of countless victims, descends towards you. |
| XII | 179 | The Bhanarians stagger from their burning command tent. |
| XIII | 189 | Vannar passes you the gleaming Arrow of Atonement. |
| XIV | 200 | The hulking Brumalghasts close in for the kill. |
| XV | 229 | The nomad chief sits atop a nest of cushions, surrounded by his exotic entourage. |
| XVI | 237 | Captain Chan delights in showing you his ornately-embellished naginata. |
| XVII | 252 | Spread out before you is the Vale of Nahba, a sinister region of the Chai Plain. |
| XVIII | 262 | A worm-beast spits its acidic saliva directly at you. |
| XIX | 278 | A steam cannon stands less than 50 metres away from you, blasting deep into the earth. |
| XX | 296 | Chan holds the dead serpent. |
| Illustration Placements | ||
| small 1 | Crossed spears | [so: 147] |
| small 2 | Winch & chain | [so: 42] |
| small 3 | Large Tent (Rakholi?) | [so: 53, 20] |
| small 4 | Barrels & chests | [so: 122, 187] |
| small 5 | Dinner, soap, and towel | [so: 40, 268] |
| small 6 | Headless Statue of Warrior | [so: 293] |
| small 7 | Cemetary, & horse-cart | [so: 84] |
| small 8 | Polyhedral Dice | [so: 126, 166] |
| small 9 | Wooden watch tower & hut | [so: 81, 110] |
| small 10 | Bhanar amulet | [so: 117, 256] |
| small 11 | Ox-drawn wagons; machinery | [so: 140] |
| small 12 | Burial Cairn (yansi) | [so: 194] |
| Rejected | ||
| (er) | Many: | prince -> Prince [Sean Donald] [so: None!] |
| (er) | polearm(s) -> pole-arm(s) | |
| (er) | Title Page: | perilous task … or -> perilous task? … or [so: No; an ellipsis can also function as a comma, as it is doing so here.] |
| (er) | The Story So Far: | beachhead -> beach head [SO: Chambers Dictionary says this is OK] |
| (er) | The Story So Far: | Darklord armies -> Darkland armies [Sean Donald] |
| (er) | The Story So Far: | with heavy heart -> with a heavy heart [Sean Donald] [ik: Maybe] [so: Also affects: 01gstw 62; 04tcod 282 and 328. The phrase "a heavy heart" appears only in 02tfc tssf.] [jb: I'm used to hearing in either way. Leave as-is.] |
| (er) | The Story So Far: | Chai capital -> Chaian capital |
| (er) | The Game Rules: | your number of -> your total of |
| (er) | Grand Master Disciplines: | [Use Magnakai heading illustrations from later books?] [jb: I checked, and I don't seem to have the headings (or even the background) for the Magnakai Disciplines.] |
| (er) | Grand Master Disciplines: | These bonus points, together with your extra Grand Master Discipline(s), your original four Grand Master Discipli nes, your Kai Weapon,3 and any other Special Items [lm: and backpack items?] [Sean Donald] [so: Backpack Items don't tend to give any permanent stat bonuses] |
| (er) | Grand Master Disciplines: | (grandw.) weapons -> Weapons |
| (er) | Equipment: | Before you leave the Kai Monastery [lm: not at the monastery][Sean Donald][so: You are for part of tssf.] |
| (ne) | Improved Disciplines: | windows, etc., to shatter -> windows, etc. to shatter [so: No, it is acceptable to set off "etc." with commas when it comes at the end of a list.] |
| (ft) | Rules for Combat: | It is not necessarily the case that the Grand Master will lose any EP during the combat. |
| (er) | Improved Grand Master Disciplines: | vice versa -> vice-versa [ik: Revert replacement of 'vice versa' with 'vice-versa' or apply the same change to books lw17-lw20.] |
| (er) | 9, 36, 97, 157, 260, 280, 295: | tracking -> Tracking |
| (er) | 11, 49, 118, 151, 252: | the Tkukoma -> the Tkukoma River [jb: Leave as-is (cf. "the Nile" and "the River Nile").] |
| (er) | 25, 29, 55, 98, 105, 210, 241, 285: | healing -> Healing |
| (er) | 25, 198: | A small circle of curious courtiers gather -> A small circle of curious courtiers gathers [tp: Reject <collective> of <plural> = plural (e.g. "a volley of arrows come") ] [bk: Agreed.] |
| (er) | 40: | you are a safe distance -> you are in a safe distance |
| (er) | 41, 52, 175, 212: | power word -> Power Word |
| (er) | 49: | at the gallop -> at a gallop [jb: Unusual, but still idiomatic. OK as-is.] |
| (er) | 54: | you barge this portal open [lm: I only mention this because of our earlier discussion about 'barge' used as a transitive verb. The usage here sounds correct to me.] [jb: It sounds OK to me. We can't use the same language as last time: "barge into".] |
| (er) | 54 (Ill IV Caption): | polearms -> pole-arms |
| (er) | 69: | spare you any -> spare you from any [jb: Sounds cromulent to me. OK as-is.] |
| (er) | 90, 198, 201: | Healing -> Curing |
| (er) | 100: | are the imperial family -> is the imperial family [tp: <collective> of <collective> = singular (e.g. "the first wave of the horde comes") ] [bk: Again, this should be a reject because the next word is 'their'.] |
| (er) | 105, 121: | Next day -> The next day [so: This seems OK to me.] [jb: OK as-is.] |
| (er) | 109, 298: | extra vigilant -> extra-vigilant [Sean Donald] [so: Also appears unhyphenated in Book 16.] [JDu: Agreed reject - there seems no point in hyphenating this.] |
| (er) | 123, 286: | the imperial family are -> the imperial family is [tp: <collective> of <plural> = plural (e.g. "a volley of arrows come")] [bk: This doesn't fall into <collective> of <plural> ("family of imperials"?). 123 and 286 might actually be Accept, though; I'm undecided.] [tp: I don't think Ben's reasoning is why, but I too think "family are" sounds better here. I think it's because the statement is that each member, individually, is still alive; "family is alive" could imply that the family as a whole (but perhaps not all its members) have survived. So me, I vote to reject. But maybe I too will be swayed after reading it a few times. ;-) ] |
| (er) | 127, 296: | I'm not, I swear it! -> I'm not! I swear it! [so: This is OK as-is.] |
| (er) | 129: | 30 metres -> thirty metres |
| (er) | 140, 278: | 50 metres -> fifty metres |
| (er) | 140: | 300 metres -> three hundred metres |
| (er) | 150, 195, 266: | rendezvous -> rendez-vous [also: foreign (er)] |
| (er) | 150, 195, 266: | enemy have -> enemy has [tp: Any collective that does some plural action ("the horde raise their weapons") = plural.] [bk: Agreed.] |
| (er) | 167, 246: | the imperial family are -> the imperial family is [tp: <collective> of <plural> = plural (e.g. "a volley of arrows come")] [bk: This doesn't fall into <collective> of <plural> ("family of imperials"?), but 167 and 246 are Reject because 'they' is used.] |
| (er) | 187: | in twenty minutes’ time -> in twenty minutes time [sd: Not quite sure… I have toyed with this idea for some time… I am pretty sure expressions like “two weeks’ time” are correct, so… decided to leave as-is]| |
| (er) | 188, 231: | “You launch a Mindblast at the warrior” [sd: I just don’t think this flows well grammatically… maybe “You launch a Mindblast pulse at the warrior”, or words to that effect, something to describe the nature of the attack, rather than just call it “a Mindblast”] [jb: This is used a few times in the books. The Improved Disciplines sections also has the phrase "more so than a usual Kai-surge, Psi-surge, or Mindblast". I think this usage is pretty well established by the author.] |
| (er) | 193: | explodes the jagged branch -> the jagged branch explodes [jb: Sounds a little weird, but it's OK as is. The verb "to explode" can take an object.] |
| (er) | 201: | thuds [onomatopoeia] |
| (er) | 212: | the force of your attack at such close quarters explodes the Guard Captain's chest armour -> ...crushes the... [Or, ...shatters the...] [jb: OK as-is.] |
| (er) | 218: | feet first -> feet-first [JB: Yes] |
| (er) | 222, 292: | bony -> boney |
| (er) | 227: | run foul -> run afoul [jb: this idiom is OK as-is. Here's what dictionary.com has: "40. run foul / afoul of, to come into collision or controversy with: to run foul of the press." (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/foul)] |
| (er) | 247: | 150 miles -> one hundred and fifty miles |
| (er) | 267: | [Does this affect the number of Arrows you can carry in your Quiver?] [jc: Should you also erase one Arrow in favour of the Arrow of Atonement, if you have 6 Arrows in Quiver (like Zejar-dulaga)?] [jb: If it's taking up a Special Item slot, it doesn't seem like it's being carried in a Quiver, e.g. maybe strapped to the Backpack instead? In the case of the Zejar-dulaga, the book tells players to carry it in the Quiver and doesn't say it takes up a Special Item slot.] |
| (er) | 269: | Kai Mastery -> mastery [jb: This is pretty standard usage in the books. OK as is.] |
| (er) | 270: | 100 metres -> one hundred metres [or, hundred metres] |
| (er) | 271: | ice creatures -> ice-creatures [SO: Rejected; See PAMoS] |
| (er) | 283: | his troupe of entertainers cease their activities and file -> his troupe of entertainers ceases their activities and files [tp: Reject <collective> of <plural> = plural (e.g. "a volley of arrows come") ] [bk: Agreed.] |
| (er) | 284: | running foul -> running afoul [jb: this idiom is OK as-is. Here's what dictionary.com has: "40. run foul / afoul of, to come into collision or controversy with: to run foul of the press." (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/foul)] |
| (er) | 286: | after 3,000 years -> after three thousand years [jc: maybe better] [jb: Is this an internationalization issue? The books use the comma as the digit group delimiter fairly regularly, so this would require a few changes across the books. I lean toward leaving this as is since this is the conventional notation in English. Thoughts?] |
| (er) | 292: | 10 feet -> several metres [cf. Section 222] |