4: California Countdown
| Pending |
| Not Errata |
| Fixed | ||
| (er) | Many: | on to -> onto (REJECTED: 9 [press on to]; 102, 170 [hang on to]; 350 [hold on to]) (FIXED: 205, 285 [jump onto]; 291, 306, 349 [climb onto]; 7 [leap onto]; 25, 334 [crash onto]; 290 [it onto]; 63, 223, 329, 348 [down onto]; 201 [smashing onto]; 225 [empty...onto]; 257, 264 265 [out onto]; 16, 312 [back onto]; 62, 211 [loaded...onto]; 76 [load...onto]; 86 [emerge onto]; 185 [out onto]; 327 [drive onto the forecourt]) |
| (er) | Dateline to Destruction [x2]: | USSR and -> USSR, and |
| (er) | Dateline to Destruction: | cable and -> cable, and |
| (er) | Dateline to Destruction: | Hijack, Assassination and Violent Opposition Consortium. -> Hijack, Assassination, and Violent Opposition Consortium. [LM] |
| (er) | Dateline To Destruction: | destined to be neutralized and dismantled -> slated to be neutralized and dismantled [LM: It wasn't their destiny if they were stolen] |
| (er) | Dateline To Destruction: | declare emergency -> declare an emergency [LM] |
| (er) | The Story So Far: | half-way -> halfway [ik: as in the PAMoS] |
| (er) | The Story So Far: | EL Paso -> El Paso |
| (er) | The Story So Far: | man alone, therefore Captain -> man alone; therefore Captain |
| (er) | The Story So Far: | 2012, that -> 2012 that |
| (er) | The Story So Far: | colony made their -> colony made its [bk: Accept.] |
| (er) | The Story So Far: | moment on every waking -> moment on, every waking [so: Fixed in Books 3 and 4.] |
| (er) | The Game Rules: | adventure you -> adventure, you |
| (er) | The Game Rules: | on to -> onto |
| (er) | Survival Skills: | motocycles and -> motorcycles, and |
| (er) | Survival Skills: | shotguns and -> shotguns, and |
| (er) | Survival Skills: | reflexes and -> reflexes, and |
| (er) | Survival Skills: | education and -> education, and |
| (er) | Survival Skills: | tested, therefore -> tested; therefore [LM] |
| (er) | Rules For Close Combat: | This procedure continues until the ENDURANCE points of either the enemy or Cal Phoenix are reduced to zero, at which point the one whose score is zero is declared dead. If Cal Phoenix is dead, the adventure is over. If the enemy is dead, Cal Phoenix proceeds but with a reduced ENDURANCE point score. -> This procedure continues until the ENDURANCE points of either the enemy or Cal Phoenix are reduced to zero or below, at which point that combatant is declared dead. If Cal Phoenix is dead, the adventure is over. If the enemy is dead, Cal Phoenix proceeds but with his ENDURANCE points possibly reduced. |
| (er) | Equipment: | Canteen and -> Canteen, and |
| (er) | Equipment: | radioactivity) and -> radioactivity), and |
| (er) | Weapons: | or possess rounds of the wrong calibre. -> or possess only rounds of the wrong calibre. [bk: Accept.] [so: Fixed in all 4 books.] |
| (er) | 1: | appoints you, and three -> appoints you and three [so: "appints you, and three others, as scouts -> appoints you and three others as scouts".] |
| (er) | 2: | half-way -> halfway [ik: as in the PAMoS] |
| (er) | 3: | of sarcasm, ‘But I'm -> of sarcasm, ‘but I'm OR of sarcasm. ‘But I'm |
| (er) | 4, 66, 182, 199, 229, 271: | shockwave -> shock wave |
| (er) | 5, 239: | your attack, and the -> your attack and the |
| (er) | 8: | If you wish to attack the clan leader with your bare hands [lm: you just threw one weapon, but you might have been carrying two.] [jb: The next section (27) doesn't mention anything about being unarmed, so maybe the following is sufficient? "If you wish to look for another close combat weapon, turn to 105. -> If you no longer possess a close combat weapon and wish to look for another, turn to 105." and "If you wish to attack the clan leader with your bare hands before he can free his chainsaw, turn to 27. -> If you wish to attack the clan leader before he can free his chainsaw, turn to 27."] |
| (er) | 9: | Mohawk, fourteen miles to the east. -> Mohawk, fourteen miles to the west. |
| (er) | 29: | most of the colony still distrust -> most of the colony still distrusts [bk: Compare 01hh 185: "most of the colony greets"] [jd: It's my opinion that these should all be singular.] |
| (er) | 29: | the Chargers clan are -> the Chargers clan is [bk] |
| (er) | 31: | storerooms -> store rooms |
| (er) | 40: | north-east of Dome -> northwest of Dome [lm: looks like northwest both on the map with the book and mapquest. q.v. 'branches away to the west' in ref.200] |
| (er) | 41, 198: | floorplan -> floor plan |
| (er) | 43: | reopens -> re-opens [ik: as in the PAMoS] |
| (er) | 43, 221: | perspex -> Perspex [jb: Agreed] |
| (er) | 45: | town to Tacna -> town of Tacna |
| (er) | 45, 280, 297: | bang -> <i>bang</i> [so: 3 instances of <onomatopoeia>bang</onomatopoeia> occur in 15tdc; no other instances are italicised. Affects a number of other books.] [jb: Bang can definitely be an onomatopoeia. It's one of the most cited examples. I think it works here] |
| (er) | 50: | frisbee -> Frisbee [jb: Agreed] |
| (er) | 52: | head east along Interstate 8. -> head west along Interstate 8. |
| (er) | 55, 76, 174, 211: | syphon -> siphon |
| (er) | 55, 174: | gasolene that's all -> gasolene, that's all |
| (er) | 65: | The throaty roar of the engine and the crackle of the clansman's gunfire fills -> The throaty roar of the engine and the crackle of the clansman's gunfire fill |
| (er) | 65: | fills -> fill [bk: Already accepted and implemented.] |
| (er) | 68: | half-way -> halfway [ik: as in the PAMoS] |
| (er) | 74: | blood stains -> bloodstains |
| (er) | 74: | Phoenix. Souvenirs? -> Phoenix? Souvenirs? |
| (er) | 82, 230: | you Shooting skill -> your Shooting skill |
| (er) | 87: | Mowhawk -> Mohawk |
| (er) | 100, 319: | was lucky, I -> was lucky; I |
| (er) | 100, 319: | water that unless [lm: comma before or after 'that'] |
| (er) | 110: | pain and the trembling subsides -> pain and the trembling subside |
| (er) | 121: | No!... -> No...! |
| (er) | 125: | thing, I s'pose -> thing. I s'pose |
| (er) | 127: | gasps. ‘I'm [lm: paragraph must break here] |
| (er) | 136: | my suspicions. I found -> [lm: I think this must be a paragraph break to avoid having 'he says' twice in the same sentence.] [so: I'd second this.] [so: Prefer "flare,’ he says, and removes -> flare.’ He removes".] |
| (er) | 136: | this, that's a promise, but -> this--that's a promise--but [so: OR this, that's a promise; but] [bk: I prefer the second alternative.] |
| (er) | 139: | life, and the case of food, intact. -> life--and the case of food--intact. [so: Not sure if this should be tweaked, but the proposed placements of the dashes is wrong.] |
| (er) | 150: | Cargo Muchaco -> Cargo Muchacho |
| (er) | 155: | The colony have decided -> The colony has decided [jd: It's my opinion that these should all be singular.] [bk: Given the singular vs. plural tally for "colony", I vote for making all the uses singular there, even though some of them violate our rules.] |
| (er) | 157: | says Cutter, ‘Barlow -> says Cutter. ‘Barlow |
| (er) | 160: | doin' boy -> doin', boy |
| (er) | 176, 193, 205, 209, 268, 298: | breach -> breech |
| (er) | 176: | chattering of his machine pistol -> chattering of Rickenbacker's [lm: OR your partner's) machine pistol (for clarity) (cf. ref. 298] |
| (er) | 187: | your adventure and your life ends -> your adventure and your life end |
| (er) | 203, 310: | storeroom -> store room |
| (er) | 207: | your realize -> you realize |
| (er) | 215: | clanmen's -> clansmen's |
| (er) | 220: | compliment -> complement |
| (er) | 221: | reopens -> re-opens [ik: as in the PAMoS] |
| (er) | 225: | After consulting with your fellow judges, they -> After you consult with your fellow judges, they |
| (er) | 225: | Avenal's pockets consist of -> Avenal's pockets contain [so: "Consist" means 'to be made up or composed (usually followed by of)'. <http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/consist>. That doesn't square with the structure of this sentence. Going with "contain" instead.] |
| (er) | 226: | The loose earth and the steepness of the slope is making -> The loose earth and the steepness of the slope are making |
| (er) | 231: | flying helmet and white -> flying helmet, and white |
| (er) | 235: | their car and run -> their car, and run |
| (er) | 238: | zig-zags -> zigzags |
| (er) | 239: | in order set -> in order to set |
| (er) | 239: | yellow flash, is -> yellow flash is |
| (er) | 243: | Jeager -> Jaeger |
| (er) | 246: | disappearing eastwards towards the town of Mohawk -> disappearing westwards towards the town of Mohawk |
| (er) | 247: | explosion. ‘They [lm: paragraph break] |
| (er) | 251: | clothes, others -> clothes; others [so: Suggest instead: clothes, others are half-naked, yet -> clothes, others are half-naked; yet] [bk: The first alternative is definitely wrong, and overall I prefer leaving as-is.] |
| (er) | 253: | she says, ‘have some -> she says. ‘Have some |
| (er) | 257: | 1 ENDURANCE points -> 1 ENDURANCE point |
| (er) | 262: | colonist's -> colonists' |
| (er) | 274: | bale out -> bail out [so: see: <http://www.dailywritingtips.com/bail-out-vs-bale-out/>] [jb: TIL. Sounds good to me.] |
| (er) | 289 [x2]: | tachometer -> Tacheometer [so: Tachometer measures speed/rpm; tacheometer is a type of theodolite. Would suggest instead milometer or odometer (the latter being more US-centric).] [jb: Does anyone call that device a tacheometer or tachymeter? FWIW, I've only ever called it an odometer. I only hesitate because the books use British English for car parts so consistently (e.g. tyres), so is milometer (or mileometer) the typically British way to say it?] |
| (er) | 290: | reassuringly, ‘we're -> reassuringly. ‘We're |
| (er) | 291: | scuttling scratching -> scuttling, scratching |
| (er) | 295: | Gorgas's -> Gorgas' |
| (er) | 305: | "the colony sure are" [bk: dialog; definitely fix to "the colony sure is".] |
| (er) | 309: | Rickenbacker. ‘OK [lm: paragraph break] |
| (er) | 309: | Having chosen to block the exit, Macy and Langdon wait patiently while you and Rickenbacker drive off the freeway and -> Having chosen to block the exit, you and Rickenbacker drive off the freeway, while Macy and Langdon wait patiently, and [jb: This will make it clear that Cal and Rickenbacker are the ones blocking the exit, but the proposed change makes the last part of the sentence a bit awkward. I suggest we make the following change instead: "Having chosen to block the exit, you and Rickenbacker drive off the freeway and make a wide detour around the town while Macy and Langdon wait patiently."] |
| (er) | 310: | If your total scores 10 -> If your total score is 10 |
| (er) | 315: | Cuckelbur -> Cucklebur |
| (er) | 315: | reply; 'I'll -> reply. 'I'll |
| (er) | 316: | If your total score 10-14 -> If your total score is 10-14 |
| (er) | 320: | C'mon Rick -> C'mon, Rick |
| (er) | 336: | half-way -> halfway [ik: as in the PAMoS] |
| (er) | 338: | army have -> army has [bk: Given the dialect Cookie's using in the rest of the section, I'd say: "army have -> army's".] [so: Hmm. I'd rather not correct something into dialect; that seems beyond our editorial scope. It also seems to change the emphasis of the sentence to me. I assume we're saying it should be "army has", though?] [bk: Regardless of whatever grammatical rules we decide, whenever a verb applied to "the colony" or "HAVOC" appears in dialog, it should be singular, because no American would use the plural in casual speech.] |
| (er) | 339: | beginnings of a hot, northwesterly wind sweeps -> beginnings of a hot, northwesterly wind sweep [bk: Accept.] |
| (er) | 339: | storm brewin', dare say -> storm brewin'; I dare say [so: I think Joe is going for local dialect here. I'd suggest: storm brewin', dare say -> storm brewin'. Daresay.] |
| (er) | 342: | much-needed -> much needed [IK: as per PAMoS] |
| (er) | 342: | schoolbus -> school bus |
| (er) | 350: | his brow. ‘That's right,’ [lm: paragraph break] |
| (er) | Illustration 14: | helmet and -> helmet, and |
| (er) | Combat Results Table: | ENDURANCE points or below, this is -> ENDURANCE points; this is |
| Fixed (Not Errata) | ||
| (ne) | Title: | Finalise text for Brian Williams fw.inc file [Brian Williams was first noticed by Joe Dever for his work in White Dwarf magazine (circa issue 50) and the Real Life Gamebooks series by Jon Sutherland and Simon Farrell. Brian Williams was Joe's first choice of illustrators to replace Gary Chalk on the Lone Wolf series. Brian also illustrated three of the four books in Joe Dever's Freeway Warrior series.] |
| (ne) | The Story So Far: | DCl -> DC1 |
| (ne) | The Story So Far: | Uncle Jonas was confidant -> Uncle Jonas was confident |
| (er) | The Story So Far: | your family as still alive -> your family was still alive |
| (ne) | Weapons: | skill number; for example -> skill number: for example |
| (ne) | Rules For Close Combat: | CLOSE COMBAT SKILL [encode as attribute] |
| (ne) | Rules For Close Combat: | [LM: link from <close combat> leads to <numbered sections> not section 1] |
| (ft) | 11: | If you possess at least three Medi-kit units, you are able to soothe the inflammation with some ointment: restore 1 ENDURANCE point. (If you wish to do this, remember to erase one Medi-kit unit from your list.) [lm: What is this saying? Restore one endurance point in addition to the customary three? Else, why not just use the Medi-kit to restore three points?] [so: I think you don't actually use up 3 Medi-kit units here; it is merely saying that "there is only a 1 in 3 chance that a Medi-kit unit will contain the specific medication used here."] [jb: That is rather odd. I don't have a solid answer. Footnote? How about this? "The instructions on how to use the Medi-kit are unclear. A reasonable way to interpret them is to restore 1 ENDURANCE point in addition to the 3 ENDURANCE points typically restored by the Medi-kit. Another reasonable interpretation is that the Medi-kit is not as effective against this inflammation as usual and can only restore 1 ENDURANCE point."] |
| (ne) | 48: | powdery,, and -> powdery, and |
| (ne) | 55: | AIR FORGE -> AIR FORCE |
| (ne) | 55: | ’cause -> ’cause |
| (ne) | 72: | are a -> area |
| (ne) | 87: | chums -> churns |
| (ft) | 92, 280: | you take up your gun [lm: what if you do not have one?] [jb: Footnote?] |
| (ne) | 157: | bather -> bother |
| (ne) | 174: | ’cause -> |
| (ne) | 220: | [so: Cutter's comments over the radio are italicised in the original.] |
| (ne) | 235: | next town Red Rock -> next town, Red Rock [so: No, it should be: town--Red Rock.] |
| (ne) | 241: | Cutter Set fire -> Cutter set fire |
| (ne) | 247: | en masse [foreign tags] |
| (ne) | 250: | awaken -> awoken/awakened [so: Original is 'awoken'] |
| (ft) | 279: | [lm: footnote about deducting ammo? and what if you have no firearm?] [so: Added ammo footnote; not owning a firearm issue unresolved.] [jb: Footnote?] |
| (ne) | 287: | nightmare, -> nightmare. |
| (ne) | 290: | Whumph! [onomatopoeia] |
| (ne) | 297: | irresistible: It is -> irresistible. It is [lm: OR irresistible: it is] [so: The former.] |
| (ne) | 306: | the I room -> the room |
| (ne) | 310: | skill Scores -> skill scores |
| (ne) | 319: | Soon -> soon |
| (ne) | Illustration 8: | speedster come -> speedster comes |
| (er) | 337: | Create Alt-text for the puzzle. |
| Small Illustrations | ||
| Small 1: | Welcome to California sign | [so: 293?] [jb: Agreed] |
| Small 2: | Mountains & dam | [so: 200] [jb: Agreed] |
| Small 3: | Pick-up Truck & Outlaws Graffiti | [so: 12, 292] [jb: Agreed] |
| Small 4: | VF-213 Emblem | [so: 2? 100? 319?] [jb: Definitely 350 instead.] |
| Small 5: | Fire Extinguisher & Supplies | [so: 60] [jb: Agreed] |
| Small 6: | Army Aircraft | [so: 350?] [jb: Agreed. I'm no military aircraft aficionado, but this is certainly the F-14 mentioned in 350 (it has the VF-213 Blacklions naval fighter squadron insignia). I suggest that we have both this and Small 4 in this section.] |
| Small 7: | Water Pipe | [so: 211?] [jb: Agreed] |
| Small 8: | Atropine; Pill Bottle | [so: 28, 80] [jb: Agreed] |
| Small 9: | CB Radios | [so: 43?] [jb: Agreed] |
| Small 10: | Chainsaw; Lions Logo | [so: 283 (already has ill16)?] [jb: We could also either put it in 168 or in the combat sections with Mad Dog: 21, 27, 83, 105, and 234.] |
| Small 11: | Binoculars | [so: 251? 276?] [jb: And 49?] |
| Small 12: | Code Puzzle | 337 [jb: Agreed] |
| Rejected | ||
| (er) | Many: | 15: it … we've -> it. . . we've 56: the … ! -> the. . .! 61: him … and -> him. . . and 92: heck … !’ gasps -> heck. . . !’ gasps 109: them … and -> them. . . and 121: ‘No … ! -> ‘No. . . ! 127: Don't … hurt … me … -> Don't. . . hurt. . . me. . . 131: him … , and -> him. . . , and 144: Over there … -> Over there. . . 153: right … second left … second right … -> right. . . second left. . . second right. . . 154: … in … the -> . . . in. . . the 173: guy … be -> guy. . . be 173: Pretty … pretty … -> Pretty. . . pretty. . . 178: right … second left … second right … -> right. . . second left. . . second right. . . 237: two … right -> two. . . right 247: heck … !’ you -> heck. . . !’ you 250: strong … she'll -> strong. . . she'll 250: her … let -> her. . . let 253: Better … -> Better. . . 276: bluffing … he's -> bluffing. . . he's 277: Third right … second left … second right … -> Third right. . . second left. . . second right. . . 301: bluffing … he's scared and -> bluffing. . . He's scared and [lm: OR bluffing,. . . he's scared, and] 315: Later … -> Later. . . 318: bandits … maybe -> bandits. . . maybe 318: flat … hell -> flat. . . hell 325: heck … !’ you -> heck. . . !’ you 326: Don't … hurt … me … -> Don't. . . hurt. . . me. . . 342: get … -> get. . . [so: New-style ellipsis.] |
| (er) | The Story So Far: | rendezvoused -> rendez-voused [also: foreign (er)] |
| (er) | The Story So Far: | Uncle Jonas and Aunt Betty-Ann's -> Uncle Jonas's and Aunt Betty-Ann's [so: No, because they are being spoken of collectively. For example, "My aunt and uncle's house". To say, "My aunt's and uncle's house" is incorrect in English, strangely.] |
| (er) | The Story So Far: | widely populated: it had -> widely populated: it had [so: Uh, what?] [lm: I must have been trying to ask if it was a colon or semicolon in the original book, but if it's a colon in the original, we may as well reject it.] |
| (er) | Equipment: | 2 points; and if -> 2 points, and if [so: The semi-colon separates separate self-contained clauses.] |
| (er) | 19, 344: | signposted -> sign-posted [so: British English, but acceptable: <http://www.ldoceonline.com/dictionary/signpost_2>] |
| (er) | 30: | nest of butterflies that have suddenly taken refuge in your stomach prevent -> nest of butterflies that have suddenly taken refuge in your stomach prevents [bk: A bit weird, since it involves a metaphor, but I'd say <collective> of <plural> still applies, so reject.] |
| (er) | 32, 53: | hospital, and therefore the vital Atropine, in -> hospital--and therefore the vital Atropine--in [so: No, the commas offset a separate self-contained clause.] |
| (er) | 51, 315 [x2]: | Santa Rosa bridge -> Santa Rosa Bridge [irs: Is there actually a named 'Santa Rosa Bridge', or is it just a bridge over the Santa Rosa Wash?] [jb: This should probably stay "Santa Rosa bridge".] |
| (er) | 54, 256: | forward -> forwards [lm: consistency] |
| (er) | 71: | back, I -> back. I [so: No, the original is fine.] |
| (er) | 79: | a group of clansmen appear -> a group of clansmen appears [tp: Reject <collective> of <plural> = plural (e.g. "a volley of arrows come") ] [bk: Agreed.] |
| (er) | 89, 142, 266: | forward -> forwards [lm: consistency] [bk: Reject. Joe seems to use the two interchangeably but with a preference for "forward".] |
| (er) | 104: | Macy and Langdon's car -> Macy's and Langdon's car [so: No; cf. Uncle Jonas and Aut Betty-Ann's] |
| (er) | 111: | Strength [Arthur Chu: There is no Strength score in the books. My feeling is that the best solution is to take CCS - 10 and without any Close Combat Weapon bonuses, except the ones explicitly stated in the section.] [Iain: The Stealth skill covers Physical Fitness, I just used this] |
| (er) | 132, 210: | kill me, please -> kill me. Please [so: No, the original is OK.] |
| (er) | 152: | groundsheets -> ground sheets |
| (er) | 153: | fitment -> fitting [irs: valid, though fitting is much more widely used] [jb: It sounds odd to me, but it's a legitimate use of the word. Leave as-is.] |
| (er) | 202, 279: | orthopaedic -> orthopedic [irs: orthopaedic is the predominant British spelling, I think it's fine as it is] [jb: Leave as-is.] |
| (er) | 204: | crew of mechanics have -> crew of mechanics has [bk: Reject. <collective> of <plural>] |
| (er) | 225: | guilty; and -> guilty, and [so: items/clauses in a list.] |
| (er) | 225: | Barlow's pockets comprise -> [lm: I don't know if this is wrong or not. I'm only pointing it out because of the discussion we had about 'comprise'. I can't remember what we decided.] [so: This seems OK to me. "Comprise" means '1. to include or contain: The Soviet Union comprised several socialist republics.'; or '2. to consist of; be composed of: The advisory board comprises six members.' <http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/comprises?o=100078>. Either of these meanings squares with the structure of this sentence.] |
| (er) | 225: | [lm: Do the items in the lists need to be in caps, even though they cannot be taken into inventory?] [jb: That might be confusing. I'd leave as-is.] |
| (er) | 242: | backhandedly -> back-handedly |
| (er) | 243: | reach Mohawk, and the -> reach Mohawk and the [so: I think the original is OK] |
| (er) | 246 [x2]: | Dixie supermart -> Dixie Supermart [jb: I'm guessing it's meant to be a supermart named Dixe (kind of like Winn-Dixie). Note the parallel that follows: "a Dixie supermart and a Worldfoods wholesale warehouse".] |
| (er) | 250: | unseeingly -> unseeing [or, sightlessly] [so: ugly, but acceptable: <http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/unseeingly>] [jb: Sounds weird, but it's a legitimate word. Leave as-is.] |
| (er) | 250: | Fly Agaric [foreign?] [irs: Not foreign, this is the English name (though it may have a foreign base), the latin would be 'Amanita Muscaria'] |
| (er) | 250, 320: | Dammit -> Damnit [so: Nope, "dammit" is the correct contracted spelling: <http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/dammit>.] |
| (er) | 251, 338: | weirdos -> weirdoes [so: Without the 'e' is the correct spelling (cf. <http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/weirdos>).] |
| (er) | 290: | swarm of leather-clad clansmen disembark and scurry -> swarm of leather-clad clansmen disembarks and scurries [tp: Reject <collective> of <plural> = plural (e.g. "a volley of arrows come") ] [bk: Agreed.] |
| (er) | 293: | lies the remains -> lie the remains [bk: Undecided but leaning Reject. ("road" feels like more of the subject than "the remains").] |
| (er) | 320: | Rick, we've -> Rick; we've [so: This is OK as-is; the use of a direct address is properly off-set by commas.] |
| (er) | 339: | Cucklebur -> Cuckelbur [cf. 315] [irs: It's the other way around, Cucklebur is an actual town in Arizona] |