3: Beyond the Nightmare Gate
| Pending |
| Fixed | ||
| (er) | Many: | on to -> onto (REJECTED: 1 [press on to], 324 [move on to]; 62 [goes on to]; 213 [go on to]) (FIXED: 159 [climb onto]; 11 [x3], 89, 204, 256, 318 [x4] [step...onto]; 349 [steps onto]; 1, 204, 311 [stepping onto]; 234, 311 [forward onto]; 295 [out onto]; 311 [left, onto]; 311 [right, onto]; 11 [move onto (as in, move on top of)]) |
| (er) | The Coming Of Grey Star: | new-found -> newfound |
| (er) | The Coming Of Grey Star: | nameless mountains, untamed forests and lands -> nameless mountains, untamed forests, and lands [LM] |
| (er) | The Coming Of Grey Star: | creators of the Earth -> creators of Magnamund [LM] |
| (er) | The Coming Of Grey Star: | enchantments, magical mists and mage winds -> enchantments, magical mists, and mage winds [LM] |
| (er) | The Story So Far: | Daziarn plane -> Daziarn Plane |
| (er) | The Story So Far: | Elemental plane -> Elemental Plane |
| (er) | The Game Rules: | If at any time your ENDURANCE score falls to zero, you -> If at any time your ENDURANCE score falls to zero or below, you |
| (er) | The Game Rules: | book two -> Book Two |
| (er) | Powers: | these are, is up -> these are is up [LM] |
| (er) | Powers: | Air, Fire, Earth and Water -> Air, Fire, Earth, and Water [LM] |
| (er) | Rules for Combat: | This process of combat continues until the ENDURANCE points of either the enemy or Grey Star are reduced to zero, at which point the one with the zero score is declared dead. If Grey Star is dead, the adventure is over. If the enemy is dead, Grey Star proceeds but with his ENDURANCE and WILLPOWER points reduced. -> This process of combat continues until the ENDURANCE points of either the enemy or Grey Star are reduced to zero or below, at which point that combatant is declared dead. If Grey Star is dead, the adventure is over. If the enemy is dead, Grey Star proceeds but with his ENDURANCE and WILLPOWER points possibly reduced. |
| (er) | Rules for Combat: | at which point the one with the zero score is declared dead. -> at which point that combatant is declared dead. |
| (er) | Rules for Combat: | You now have the number of ENDURANCE points lost by Grey Star. To calculate the number lost by the enemy, multiply this by the number of WILLPOWER points that Grey Star elected to use. Now you have the final number of ENDURANCE points lost by both Grey Star and his enemy in this round of combat. (E represents points lost by the enemy; GS represents points lost by Grey Star.) -> GS represents the number of ENDURANCE points lost by Grey Star. To calculate the number lost by the enemy, multiply the number marked 'E' by the number of WILLPOWER points that Grey Star elected to use. Now you have the final number of ENDURANCE points lost by both Grey Star and his enemy in this round of combat. [LM: I thought former wording is possibly unclear--it sounds like the enemy always loses 3x as much as Grey Star] [JB: "...multiply this by..." -> "...multiply the number listed for the enemy by..."] |
| (er) | Sage Advice: | A score of zero WILLPOWER points -> A WILLPOWER score of zero or below |
| (er) | 1: | murmuring voices, muffled cries, moaning and sobbing -> murmuring voices, muffled cries, moaning, and sobbing [LM] |
| (er) | 12: | cruel gifts; gifts such -> cruel gifts: gifts such [LM] |
| (er) | 26: | fair haired, have strange, circular ears and are dressed -> fair haired, have strange, circular ears, and are dressed [LM] |
| (er) | 31: | and forceful; 'I can -> and forceful. 'I can [LM] |
| (er) | 50, 109, 112, 116 (2nd), 119 (x2), 122 (1st), 140, 167, 181, 211, 223, 278, 339: | plane -> plain [LM: to me, 'plane' means a dimension (e.g. plane of darkness) whereas 'plain' is the geographical feature. in this book, the spelling 'plane' is used to refer particularly to the ground of that dimension. i'm not sure what you will decide, but i thought it best to err on the side of caution and report the instances.] [bk: Considering it's introduced as a plain in section 1, I agree that we should standardize all the references to "plain".] [tp: In my experience, "plane" is never used to mean "a stretch of ground". It's used for the mathematical notion of a flat surface, or for near-perfectly flat surfaces (a floor or wall, rather than natural ground), or for a carpentry tool for smoothing surfaces. Also for "aeroplane". (To my mind, the "physical flat surface" plane implies a bounded and relatively small one too, not wide open spaces as "plain" does.) Which to my mind is why "plain of..." sounds just right. An unadorned "plain" is indeed a stretch of grass (or not grass), but a "plain of <blah>" could be anything that is similarly broad and level.] [cn: plane means a flat level surface and the flat definition (as opposed to the knitting stitch or being obvious or lacking in ornamentation definitions) of plain specifically means a tract of level open land. I've never heard of a plain of anything.] [jb: At first, I thought I was going to vote for "plane", but I think "plain" is actually a better fit. Fantasy games use "plane" to denote separate dimensional realms (e.g. the Outer Planes of D&D) and the word holds that connotation in Magnamund as well (e.g. the Plane of Darkness). It seems that phrases like "across the plain" in 1 and "across the cloud plane" in 211 are referring to the clouds within the Daziarn Plane, the flat surface of cloud that Grey Star travels across, not the realm they find themselves in. The adventure doesn't take place in a world of clouds which would imply "plane" is best. It is a world with a flat expanse of clouds and a sky above. This causes me vote for "plain".] |
| (er) | 57: | If you are still fighting the Elessi after three rounds of combat but have the higher ENDURANCE total, and wish to cease fighting, turn to 99. If you have already killed the Elessi after three rounds, or choose to fight to the death, turn to 107. [LM: this wording seems awkward, but i'm not certain how to fix it] [bk: At a minimum, we should change the wording to match section 322, since I find the wording slightly less awkward there.] [jb: I think the first option is clear enough, but I think the second option is incomplete. What if the reader can't go to 99 because her EP is lower, or what if you don't win the combat? How about we change the second option to: "Otherwise, if you have already killed the Elessi after three rounds, or you continue on and win the combat, turn to 107."] |
| (er) | 74: | is blinding: your head -> is blinding; your head [LM] |
| (er) | 78: | Elemental plane -> Elemental Plane |
| (er) | 87: | slashing talons, flapping wings and the crazed pecking -> slashing talons, flapping wings, and the crazed pecking [LM] |
| (er) | 116: | giant bat's wing -> giant bat's wings (judging from picture) [LM] |
| (er) | 130: | is silence; then, fear -> is silence, then, fear [LM] [so: "First there is silence; then, fear. -> First, there is silence; then, fear."] [jb: The adverbial phrase "First" is short enough that it doesn't need a comma. So "First there is silence, then fear." should work.] |
| (er) | 137: | clawing talons, flapping wings and wildly incessant pecking -> clawing talons, flapping wings, and wildly incessant pecking [LM] |
| (er) | 150, 153: | [so: Encode Tanith's speech as x-shadakine] |
| (er) | 153: | slows in mid-flight, hovers and finally settles -> slows in mid-flight, hovers, and finally settles [LM] |
| (er) | 159: | bloodcurdling -> blood-curdling |
| (er) | 169: | their villages -> their village (you only know about the second burning village if coming from ref.160, but not from ref.183) [LM] |
| (er) | 202: | your head; and the -> your head, and the [LM] |
| (er) | 211: | its architecture possess -> its architecture possesses |
| (er) | 237: | own laughter; but you -> own laughter -- but you [LM] |
| (er) | 250: | scholar, professor and master -> scholar, professor, and master [LM] |
| (er) | 250: | thoughts, hopes, fears and intentions -> thoughts, hopes, fears, and intentions [LM] |
| (er) | 250 [x2]: | Daziarn plane -> Daziarn Plane |
| (er) | 252: | your veins; lose 8 -> your veins: lose 8 [LM] |
| (er) | 273: | fading voice, 'we shall -> fading voice. 'We shall [LM] |
| (er) | 273: | says Tanith, 'we must -> says Tanith. 'We must [LM] |
| (er) | 273: | can anticipate my moves.' -> can anticipate my moves?' |
| (er) | 290: | the flying machine spins towards the Trianon and collides-> the flying machine spins towards the Trianon and collides with it |
| (er) | 291: | Shasarak; an apparition -> Shasarak: an apparition [LM] |
| (er) | 306: | at all; merely the -> at all: merely the [LM] |
| (er) | 307: | [so: Encode speech as x-elessin] |
| (er) | 309: | guilt, remorse and sorrow -> guilt, remorse, and sorrow [LM] |
| (er) | 314: | [JohnTFS: The way to get to 67 is odd. Apparently you have to be a homicidal jerk to the Elohim and you can't have Enchantment, either. Though that brings up another issue. Once you get to 67, you go to 127 where you are offered several choices for dealing with Tanith of Oz-na-mun. One of those choices is to use Enchantment. However, you cannot arrive at 67 if you have Enchantment. My suggested fix is that at page 187, the choice "If you wish to agree to the condition of the strange god, turn to 94." should instead be "If you wish to agree to the condition of the strange god, turn to 67." Meanwhile, 32's choice should be "If your current WILLPOWER score is 12 or more, turn to 86." See, my concept behind this is that by using Enchantment to break the illusion, you attract the Chaos-master's attention, and he then offers his bargain. If you accept the bargain, you go to 67 and find that Tanith and Oz-na-mun are there. Unfortunately, they now fear and hate you. So, you have to deal with that, either through your own magick (which includes Enchantment) or through calling on the Chaos-master yet again.] [jb: Readers can reach 67 if you have Enchantment. The options for 314 read: ~~~~~ If you have the Magical Power of Enchantment, turn to 14. If you do not have this Power, or do not wish to use it, turn to 32. ~~~~~ So if the reader chooses not to use Enchantment, she can go to 32 and then 67. We can make this more explicit by changing the first option to read: "If you have the Magical Power of Enchantment and wish to use it, turn to 14."] |
| (er) | 319: | mixed together with crystals, ground into a powder and then heated -> mixed together with crystals, ground into a powder, and then heated [LM] |
| (er) | 322: | If you have not defeated the Elessi after three rounds of combat, but still have the greater ENDURANCE points total, and wish to cease fighting, turn to 99. If you kill the Elessi within three rounds, or choose to fight to the death, turn to 107. [lm: this wording seems akward, but i'm not certain how to fix it] [jb: I think the first option is clear enough, but I think the second option is incomplete. What if the reader can't go to 99 because her EP is lower, or what if you don't win the combat? How about we change the second option to: "Otherwise, if you have already killed the Elessi after three rounds, or you continue on and win the combat, turn to 107."] |
| (er) | 330: | honorary -> honoured [LM] |
| Fixed (Not Errata) | ||
| (ne) | The Game Rules, Footnotes [x2]: | score falls to zero, you -> score falls to zero or below, you |
| (ne) | Powers: | by the Power of your mind -> by the power of your mind [LM] |
| (ne) | Powers: | beam of destructive Power -> beam of destructive power [LM] |
| (ne) | Powers: | COMBAT SKILL If you -> COMBAT SKILL. If you [LM] |
| (ne) | Equipment: | the Backpack, When you -> the Backpack. When you [LM] |
| (ne) | Rules For Combat: | or4 Grey Star -> or Grey Star [LM] |
| (ne) | 105: | 116 -> 116. |
| (ne) | 265: | deliberately; the hood -> deliberately, the hood [LM] |
| (ne) | Footnote 1: | re-pick you WILLPOWER -> re-pick your WILLPOWER [LM] |
| (ne) | Footnote (The Game Rules): | book two but not book one -> Book Two but not Book One |
| (ne) | Footnote (Section 240): | Spider Key and/or the Dragon Key -> Spider Key, and/or the Dragon Key [So] [LM] |
| Rejected | ||
| (er) | Powers: | your quest, so choose -> your quest; so choose (in this case 'so' is an adverb not a conjunction) [LM] |
| (er) | Powers: | difficult actions; to discover -> difficult actions, to discover [LM] |
| (er) | Powers: | another's mind or cause them -> another's mind or cause him (or) others' minds or cause them [LM] [JB: The use of the third person plural pronoun as a gender-neutral singular pronoun is controversial but increasingly accepted.] |
| (er) | Sage Advice: | your quest, others may -> your quest; others may [LM] |
| (er) | 19: | more than one route that leads -> more than one route that lead [LM] |
| (er) | 58: | crowd of Elessin are -> crowd of Elessin is [LM] |
| (er) | 126: | Her abrupt departure from the Rope -> Her abrupt departure from the wall [LM] [so: I don't think this needs changing] |
| (er) | 163: | How touching; how noble. Such understanding -> How touching, how noble... such understanding [LM: subject and predicate are inverted, but this is all one sentence] [so: Speech doesn't necessarily have to reflect correct grammar.] |
| (er) | 276: | How touching; how nice. Such understanding -> How touching, how nice... such understanding [LM] |
| (er) | 314: | him roughly; 'how do -> him roughly, 'how do [LM] |
| (er) | 317: | Spittlethrift and his kin -> Spittlethrift and his kind [lm: they don't seem to be related -- he calls them 'gentlemen' in ref250] [so: Nevertheless, they are working toward a common goal and have a sense of kinship amongst their group.] |